All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I need water and some morals
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
