I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize