so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
