Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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