why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
