Quick, to the slutcave!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
