I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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