i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can't talk, ducks in the car
as a side note pls kill me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
