U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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