it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
