he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
worst night to have a conscience
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
