I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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