I hate your face
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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