my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
