I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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