my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize