ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
