Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
