omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
