I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize