I want to walk on stilts...naked
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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