: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
