marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
