Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
