Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
