Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
