I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize