I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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