no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
