in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
