she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize