I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Couch. On fire.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
