Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize