i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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