Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
