I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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