Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
