STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
