Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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