Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
