Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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