I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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