I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
