I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
