can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
