my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
