At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
