I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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