I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
