When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
