i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
