your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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