I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
