I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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