She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
