This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
