sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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