omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You may now shotgun with the bride
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
