It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
