I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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