I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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