Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
