Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
