I'm so fucking centered right now
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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