so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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