I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
