She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
