No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
