You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
