If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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