Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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