Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
