brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
