It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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