I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
