oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
