if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
