HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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