tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
