He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
