you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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