did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
