haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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