Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
worst night to have a conscience
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
