Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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