Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize