Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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