I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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