i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
