What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
