i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
