tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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