I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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