can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
