just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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