Kiss
Puke
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
