we have officially lost it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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