I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
