obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
