I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
