the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize