and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
