I like my sex mixed with concussions.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
