The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
