i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
