how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
