you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I cut my penus on the lid.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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