FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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